You guys have broke up and now you are thinking about getting your ex back. In order to work things out you both will need to make adjustment and changes in you lives.
Remember to accept your feelings without become obsessive or losing control. Avoid telling yourself "I was such a fool," or "How could I have been so blind?" or "I'm so mad at them, I could kill them." If you either of you begin to move in this direction take a time out. Sometimes a little space will help clear things up.
In order to get your ex back, you will both need to reexamine your attitudes about commitment and a relationship that involves monogamy. It will also be good to reevaluate your past agreements and if you never made any, now would be a good time to start.
The only way to understand why it happened is to stop accusing and start listening. Your ex will need to stop defending and start explaining why it happened. In order to get past this you will both need to listen to each other's point of view and stop blaming each other.
While the effects of an affair are devastating to each others feelings, have compassion for each other and each of you should take some responsibility for the event. While the pain of betrayal is great, guilt is also a strong feeling of pain as well.
You will need to put this experience in the past and start to rebuild trust with each other. This can be done by making new agreements and maybe seeking counseling. A therapist can often help get the relationship back on track and help open up lines of communication that you may not be able to do on your own.
After you have decided to recommit to each other, you will need to make new agreements and by making a change in your lifestyle you will help you increase your confidence in each other.
To work things out and get your ex back:
- You will need to be clear of the terms of your commitment and agreements.
- If both of you put in the effort, an affair can be forgiven and forgotten.
- If you choose to have an affair, make it with your partner. Not another person.
